Before Epal
Hey everyone, my name is Yukiino. I’m 27 years old and live in a country that not a lot of you know called Algeria in north Africa! I am an extremely introverted person with a few mental disorders that made it hard for me to be active in society with friends or family around me. I’ve always had very specific interests since I was really young, such as music, painting, writing and languages. I’ve always been considered a “weird” child since I was very quiet and just doing my own thing like being hidden reading books. I’ve been diagnosed early on with depression and generalized anxiety disorder which kind of explained why I had always been so avoidant of other people be it at school or even around my own family members. I always struggled with making friends or even keeping people around me when I did somehow manage to make good friends so I’d just hide in my books or write some small stories where I’d imagine myself in a different world surrounded by friends and had a normal life. Around my late teens I started having a deep interest for mental health issues and psychology. Soon afterwards in my early 20s I got two new diagnoses being BPD and C-PTSD which have shaped me into who I am as a person currently. Ever since then, I try to learn everyday about mental illnesses and also do my best to help others into understanding their own as I know how hard it can be to deal with mental health issues in a society where people judge you and tend to avoid you rather than understanding you.
Join EPAL
I joined Epal recently, at the end of last year in November 2025. And honestly, I was too scared to be active on it so I wasn’t the most active nor did I even try to make it work originally. If I had messages or people interested in ordering I’d simply lie and tell them that I wasn’t available or just go offline and completely ignore them. At that time, my mental health was really unstable, I had lost my job a bit prior because of that instability and having to meet people on Epal was even worse for me mentally so I just kept delaying things. But that cycle was just worse for me since I’d blame myself for being that way and hate on myself for ignoring people who seemed to have genuine interest in spending time with me which I did even in my personal life when I was working or back in university. But at some point, I just had to force myself and sit through that intense fear of talking to others in hopes that it’d go away even though it was scarring me more than anything at first. For my very first orders or even my first month, I’d ask people to give me a few mins before starting an order because I’d be so anxious that it’d trigger an episode that I couldn’t really control. My fear and anxiety were so intense I’d feel sick for hours and end up not even doing orders with those people which again, I felt terrible wasting their time. But I got lucky meeting really sweet and patient people at first so that definitely helped shaping my entire start and confidence on Epal despite all the worries I had in my mind constantly. I lived in constant worry that people wouldn’t accept me, understand how I operate or simply judge me for being xyz and not “normal”. But the people I met at the start of my journey on E-pal have definitely changed my perspective of things.
【My computer setup】
After Epal
E-pal has shaped my life so much that it is hard to explain it. I’ve came across a lot of people, amazing and not so amazing people, it might not seem that way for a lot of people but every interaction ends up deeply rooted in my mind like an engraved rock. Every interaction triggers me in a positive or a negative way, every person I’ve met has some sort of importance. Staying on this platform genuinely has helped me become more talkative and expressive with people which was never really the case prior becoming an Epal. I can comfortably sit and talk to new people, help them feel less shy around me and just open up easily, I can sit and play with others as if they were friends of mien for a long time when back then even those, I considered my best friends had trouble making me feel comfortable talking or laughing with them. I went from that odd black sheep to the person that a lot of people seem to appreciate and enjoy the company of which to this day I still have a hard time believing it.
I still don’t really see myself as someone who’s interesting or talkative enough to keep people around me or make people appreciate me for who I am but I try my best to do so, I use Epal as a way to help myself but also help others nowadays since I’ve got a little more confidence to do so. I’ve came across a lot of my people who struggled with different disorders and didn’t know much about it or didn’t know how to deal with it, people who can’t talk about their issues or feel lost just like I did or still do at times. I’d say I can finally say that I feel like my existence matters because I can sit and listen to people, help them and do my best to impact others in the best way possible the same way others did for me and that in itself, is something I gives me pride and self-fulfillment.
To those who have met me before be it as “Lyn” or as “Yukiino” now, I know that none of you realizes how much you’ve impacted my life and changed me for the better. We all have ups and downs but despite the downs I might have had in the past months, the ups still remain more impactful. Nowadays people view me as that cheerful funny and silly person that is loud when she plays games and loves to yap when we talk but for those who knew me at the very beginning or for my family, I’ve always been that dead silent person who simply listened and would throw a few words here and there during a conversation. I am still very anxious and scared but I can proudly say that I am able to go and face multiple people and sit in big groups and talk. And all of this isn’t because of myself but because of every single one of you who was a part of this journey so far. I didn’t know people could be so supportive and loving until I came across this platform and I hope that I am doing or did the same for you guys too. I may be still unstable and disappear for a bit; I still struggle a lot but less since I’ve got amazing people by my side that try to help me despite how complicated, I can be during my lows. You all have changed my life and I’ll forever be grateful to you for that. I hope that in some ways, I was able to bring a positive impact in your lives too.
Before ending this with a little poem of mine, I want to thank a few people who stayed with me no matters what these past months and are very important in my life currently: Frosty, Sean and Reno and recently Diana, you guys are so important to me and I know I am bad at expressing it but I hope you know how much I love every single one of you.
Thank you everyone, I hope I get to meet more of you and possibly help each other more. Let’s create amazing memories together.
I hope my poem reaches you.
- Life moves in mysterious ways,
- Carrying us through unseen roads,
- Towards destinations we never envisaged,
- I never thought I’d end up here, standing beneath a warmer sky.
- Once a lonely soul in the crowd,
- Now I stand surrounded by kindness, laughter and love.
- Life is not gentle,
- It is filled with thorns and endless storms,
- With days that test our strength,
- And nights that seem to never end,
- Yet somehow,
- in its own time,
- it softens, It heals.
- It brings light where darkness was once king.
- To whoever may be reading these words,Know that you are not alone.
- Even when the world feels empty,
- There are hearts that care for you,Hands trying to reach yours,
- And people who cherish your very existenceMore than you realize.
- And to those who have crossed my path,
- Thank you, Truly.
- You have filled my life with warmth,
- And in return, I promise to offer you mine.
- May my presence become a heaven On your difficult days,
- A reason to smile when it feels impossible.
- This humble gift is for you,
- A small token of my gratitude,
- With hopes that it brings, A fraction of the joy, Laughter and comfort, That you have so freely given me.
Yukiino‘s Epal link : https://www.epal.gg/@1531692280
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